I have been packing and cleaning and purging. I have spent a long time on the phone changing addresses and calling for a charity to come pick up everything I have to give away. I am feeling the anxiety and stress of how much there is to do and that there is limited time to get it all done.
It is 3:06pm and I am considering stopping for the day. I wonder if I can do so without feeling the nag of it at the back of my head. I have 9 days before I move and I know I'll get it all done. It's just a matter of having to do it.
Maybe I'll pack 2 more boxes and then call it quits for today...or at least until later. I am hungry and sweaty and tired and would really love a cold beer. Too bad I don't have any!
Friday, 22 May 2009
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Downsizing
Long, long, long overdue post. May has been crazy busy what with apartment hunting and then going on a cruise. Now I am packing and getting ready for the move.
The apartment we are moving to is around the same size as the one I live in now except that the space is used very differently. I am moving from a one bedroom without a balcony to a two bedroom with a balcony. The communal living space is quite a bit smaller than what I have now. And I have a lot of furniture and a lot of (for lack of a better word) junk. I am doing some major down sizing and purging and it feels great. There is a level of sadness to though in the purge. Today I went through old journals and tore them up and threw them out. I read snippets here and there but it was almost too painful. Good riddance! I am also selling a whole bunch of furniture and donating piles of things to big brothers.
I am feeling a little overwhelmed by it all but once I actually start clearing things out of my apartment I know I will feel better. Right now all the things I am getting rid of are in piles around me) It makes me feel cluttered and chaotic.
Ok, I feel guilty sitting at the computer for too long when I could be packing so this will be it for now. I'll post again when I need a break or feel like I have the time.
The apartment we are moving to is around the same size as the one I live in now except that the space is used very differently. I am moving from a one bedroom without a balcony to a two bedroom with a balcony. The communal living space is quite a bit smaller than what I have now. And I have a lot of furniture and a lot of (for lack of a better word) junk. I am doing some major down sizing and purging and it feels great. There is a level of sadness to though in the purge. Today I went through old journals and tore them up and threw them out. I read snippets here and there but it was almost too painful. Good riddance! I am also selling a whole bunch of furniture and donating piles of things to big brothers.
I am feeling a little overwhelmed by it all but once I actually start clearing things out of my apartment I know I will feel better. Right now all the things I am getting rid of are in piles around me) It makes me feel cluttered and chaotic.
Ok, I feel guilty sitting at the computer for too long when I could be packing so this will be it for now. I'll post again when I need a break or feel like I have the time.
Monday, 27 April 2009
Blossom
Alright, so after a weekend of deep breathing and getting some perspective and space from the whole situation, I am doing quite well today.
It has been such a beautiful week and I am loving it. Part of what I love is that while being this sunny it is still quite cool out. And I seem to have awakened some long dormant love and passion for walking that I didn't know existed in me. In the past week, I have gone on 3 or 4 walks that hit the two hour mark. I just feel like walking all the time and while I'm walking I don't want to stop.
It's a combo of the fresh air, the sunshine and the endorphins but I think an even bigger part of it is, that while I am walking, I am having really great and inspiring conversations. Stefanie has been my walking partner and we are so like-minded on this spiritual path that we can just bounce our thoughts and ideas off of each other quite effortlessly. I have been getting more and more excited about my life and all of the things I can do with it.
I still feel the angst, nervousness and fears around moving, taxes and money but I am also figuring out my bigger picture and what I am being called to do here in the world. I am learning how to not focus on the fear and instead look at the world around me and focus on the possibilities and potential.
In the past week of our walking, Stefanie and I have seen herons, eagles, turtles, a seal, bunnies and countless cute dogs. We have seen beautiful sunsets, cherry blossoms, blooming magnolia trees, friends having bbqs and couples walking hand in hand. We have walked in the rain, in the noonday sun, in twilight and through the canopy of a forest. We have been a shoulder for each other, offering up support and compassion. We have been inspiration for each other, offering up insights and enthusiasm. We have been sounding boards for ideas and nurturers of creativity. We have broken into song and fits of giggles.
My life is changing and I am realizing that it's because I have changed. The thought of the day email for today is "You can't move forward until you let go of where you are." I always wanted to be able to move forward while still keeping one foot in the past as a back up, just in case. I think I am finally learning how to let go and step forward with both feet. I still think it's scary, but it's less scary than standing still.
There is a quote by Anais Nin that I have recently discovered and fully embraced. "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
I think this is my time to blossom!
It has been such a beautiful week and I am loving it. Part of what I love is that while being this sunny it is still quite cool out. And I seem to have awakened some long dormant love and passion for walking that I didn't know existed in me. In the past week, I have gone on 3 or 4 walks that hit the two hour mark. I just feel like walking all the time and while I'm walking I don't want to stop.
It's a combo of the fresh air, the sunshine and the endorphins but I think an even bigger part of it is, that while I am walking, I am having really great and inspiring conversations. Stefanie has been my walking partner and we are so like-minded on this spiritual path that we can just bounce our thoughts and ideas off of each other quite effortlessly. I have been getting more and more excited about my life and all of the things I can do with it.
I still feel the angst, nervousness and fears around moving, taxes and money but I am also figuring out my bigger picture and what I am being called to do here in the world. I am learning how to not focus on the fear and instead look at the world around me and focus on the possibilities and potential.
In the past week of our walking, Stefanie and I have seen herons, eagles, turtles, a seal, bunnies and countless cute dogs. We have seen beautiful sunsets, cherry blossoms, blooming magnolia trees, friends having bbqs and couples walking hand in hand. We have walked in the rain, in the noonday sun, in twilight and through the canopy of a forest. We have been a shoulder for each other, offering up support and compassion. We have been inspiration for each other, offering up insights and enthusiasm. We have been sounding boards for ideas and nurturers of creativity. We have broken into song and fits of giggles.
My life is changing and I am realizing that it's because I have changed. The thought of the day email for today is "You can't move forward until you let go of where you are." I always wanted to be able to move forward while still keeping one foot in the past as a back up, just in case. I think I am finally learning how to let go and step forward with both feet. I still think it's scary, but it's less scary than standing still.
There is a quote by Anais Nin that I have recently discovered and fully embraced. "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
I think this is my time to blossom!
Thursday, 23 April 2009
sigh
Well, I have to pay a lot more in taxes than I was prepared for. Had an ugly cry, drank a glass of wine (am now on my second) and am praying for peace. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of soul, just peace.
brrrrrrr
I am so cold right now. I am in a tiny little room at a college and am freezing. I was in the same room on Monday and it was nice and toasty then so I am ill prepared for the cold. Brrrrr
I'd type more but I have to go stick my hands in my armpits for warmth. It's either that or sit on them.
I'd type more but I have to go stick my hands in my armpits for warmth. It's either that or sit on them.
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
The Spring has Sprung!
It's writin' time!
Finally, I know.
As I mentioned in the last post, I really have become the most boring person on earth. I have had not much to write about these past few months other than being sick and gearing up to move. It's been a tough haul so far this year and the light at the end of the tunnel has gotten awfully close and awfully bright. Yay!
Things have been progressively on an upswing for a couple weeks now and it's so nice to be feeling a little more normal. I say just a little because I actually think that this whole process changed me a bit. So I am just getting used to a new normal. And I must say, I like the new normal.
Ok, so, here are some odds and ends from the past few months...
A friend turned me on to raw sweet potato. It is seriously delicious.
I have gotten mildly attached to The Mentalist on tv
I don't care who wins American Idol, although I'll be a little happy if it's either Adam Lambert or Kris Allen.
I was craving nachos like nobody's business last night...and instead ate cucumbers in vinegar.
I had a dream that I owed 86 thousand dollars in taxes.
I also had a dream that a giant spider was hanging over my head, I woke up and in a shot was out of bed and couldn't go back for nearly an hour.
ST and I are co-writing a children's book and have finished the first rough draft.
I took a road trip with my sister and cousin down to Seattle for a concert and night of Worship at a huge church in Federal Way.
These are things I do now, nights of Worship, and church. And I love it!
Joined Twitter and love that too!
Am pretty much done with facebook. I almost never check it anymore.
Uttered the phrase "I'd like to rip her arms off and strangle her with her own hands." at least once. Not very loving I know, but was in the vortex of ultimate frustration at the time.
Read the entire Twilight series in about two weeks. Wish I could read it all again for the first time.
Have seen 14 movies in the theater since January 1st.
Well, that probably gets you up to speed on where I am at these days.
Cheers,
kt
Finally, I know.
As I mentioned in the last post, I really have become the most boring person on earth. I have had not much to write about these past few months other than being sick and gearing up to move. It's been a tough haul so far this year and the light at the end of the tunnel has gotten awfully close and awfully bright. Yay!
Things have been progressively on an upswing for a couple weeks now and it's so nice to be feeling a little more normal. I say just a little because I actually think that this whole process changed me a bit. So I am just getting used to a new normal. And I must say, I like the new normal.
Ok, so, here are some odds and ends from the past few months...
A friend turned me on to raw sweet potato. It is seriously delicious.
I have gotten mildly attached to The Mentalist on tv
I don't care who wins American Idol, although I'll be a little happy if it's either Adam Lambert or Kris Allen.
I was craving nachos like nobody's business last night...and instead ate cucumbers in vinegar.
I had a dream that I owed 86 thousand dollars in taxes.
I also had a dream that a giant spider was hanging over my head, I woke up and in a shot was out of bed and couldn't go back for nearly an hour.
ST and I are co-writing a children's book and have finished the first rough draft.
I took a road trip with my sister and cousin down to Seattle for a concert and night of Worship at a huge church in Federal Way.
These are things I do now, nights of Worship, and church. And I love it!
Joined Twitter and love that too!
Am pretty much done with facebook. I almost never check it anymore.
Uttered the phrase "I'd like to rip her arms off and strangle her with her own hands." at least once. Not very loving I know, but was in the vortex of ultimate frustration at the time.
Read the entire Twilight series in about two weeks. Wish I could read it all again for the first time.
Have seen 14 movies in the theater since January 1st.
Well, that probably gets you up to speed on where I am at these days.
Cheers,
kt
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Getting a roomie
I am afraid I have become the most boring person on earth! I seem to have not all that much to write about these days. Part of it is that some of the things that I would like to write about I am unable to for different reasons. Privacy being a big one. It unfortunately narrows my field of topics a fair bit.
Plus, I live a drama-free life for the most part and so my day to day lifestyle is fairly uncomplicated and easy. I imagine that this also narrows the topic pool by quite a lot. Ho hum. I love a drama-free life but it does absolutely nothing for my blogging. I will have a lot more going on soon enough with moving and adjusting to life with a roommate.
I can't even express how much I am looking forward to this change in my lifestyle. I am excited about having a new space to live in but even more so I am excited about having an inspirational friend to live with. L is on a similar path to me yet we have different ways of walking that path, which I think is a great thing. She has always been an inspiration to me and she claims I am one as well (yay!).
She called me the other day and said, 'one of the things I am most looking forward to is cooking for you'. The funny thing is, that that is one of the things that I am most looking forward to as well. Cooking for her. We will be able to take turns and have yummy delicious meals every day.
I am also looking forward to having a live in friend. I have lived alone for 10 years now. I first did it because I wanted to make sure that I could. I remember my first night alone in my apartment after leaving home and how quiet and lonely it felt. Now, I am so used to living alone that I think I might be in a bit of an 'alone' rut. I do what I want, when I want and don't have to keep anyone informed of my plans. I have no one I need to compromise with or negotiate things with. I am getting more and more set in my alone ways and this does not bode well for a single lady. I don't want to be single forever and so I think I need to learn how to live with someone, how to compromise, negotiate, fight and make up, clean up after myself and take someone else into account when I make plans for myself.
All in all I think this is going to be a great experience!
Plus, I live a drama-free life for the most part and so my day to day lifestyle is fairly uncomplicated and easy. I imagine that this also narrows the topic pool by quite a lot. Ho hum. I love a drama-free life but it does absolutely nothing for my blogging. I will have a lot more going on soon enough with moving and adjusting to life with a roommate.
I can't even express how much I am looking forward to this change in my lifestyle. I am excited about having a new space to live in but even more so I am excited about having an inspirational friend to live with. L is on a similar path to me yet we have different ways of walking that path, which I think is a great thing. She has always been an inspiration to me and she claims I am one as well (yay!).
She called me the other day and said, 'one of the things I am most looking forward to is cooking for you'. The funny thing is, that that is one of the things that I am most looking forward to as well. Cooking for her. We will be able to take turns and have yummy delicious meals every day.
I am also looking forward to having a live in friend. I have lived alone for 10 years now. I first did it because I wanted to make sure that I could. I remember my first night alone in my apartment after leaving home and how quiet and lonely it felt. Now, I am so used to living alone that I think I might be in a bit of an 'alone' rut. I do what I want, when I want and don't have to keep anyone informed of my plans. I have no one I need to compromise with or negotiate things with. I am getting more and more set in my alone ways and this does not bode well for a single lady. I don't want to be single forever and so I think I need to learn how to live with someone, how to compromise, negotiate, fight and make up, clean up after myself and take someone else into account when I make plans for myself.
All in all I think this is going to be a great experience!
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