May wrap up.

It is May 31st already. Hard to believe tomorrow is June. Not only June, but June 2007. What the hell? When did it get so late into the 2000's? Where have I been this whole time.

I ran into an ex of mine about a year ago. He is an ex from nearly ten years ago and yet seeing him threw me into a bit of an odd tailspin. He'd gotten married, established himself in his career, was driving a nice car, living in a nice neighbourhood. His life looked really good. These were his goals when we were together, and he'd accomplished them after we broke up.

I felt discombobulated. I felt lost. Where was my marriage, my great career, my nice car, my nice home. What had I accomplished in the 9 years since we'd split. 9 years! Nearly a decade had gone by and I was feeling like I had somehow missed it. I wasn't bothered that J had moved on and created a good life for himself. He is a great guy and deserves a great life. I just felt lost and a little freaked out about my own life.

I did a lot of soul searching over the next few days. I went into a deep examination of my life and what I had done with it over the past decade. I came out of my rumination with a clear head and feeling much more stable. Seeing him and seeing all he had accomplished made me realize that I hadn't been paying attention to my own life and what I wanted to accomplish in it.

In reflecting on my life, I really assessed how I had spent the last 9 years. What I discovered was that I was happy with what I had accomplished since J and I had broken up. It may not look as good on paper as spouse, kids, home, car, career. But what I consider my accomplishments aren't so outward. They are my inner fulfillments. They are the things that feed and nurture my soul.

What I really got out of the whole process was to pay attention! You only have the one life and you don't even get to live it for all that long. Don't let it slip away unnoticed. Do things, plan things, have goals and reach for them, be grateful for everyday, be grateful for your health, your body, your family, your friends.

Of course, even I forget to do this, but I will never again let 9 years go by without noticing. I am working toward not letting a day go by without noticing. Once I have that down, I'll work on hours, minutes and seconds.

Peace and love.
kt