School and life

I dropped out of school yesterday. I'm a drop out!

On Friday night, I was gathering all my things for school together into my book bag so that I wouldn't have to do it Saturday morning. I just felt off. I sat and stared at my book bag and started to think as hard as I possibly could about what the hell I was doing and what the hell I wanted to be doing. I closed my eyes and meditated on it.

With Kathleen dying this week, I got a big reminder of how short life is and I decided that since I already knew I wasn't continuing on to the next level, it was time to gracefully bow out. I could spend 3 hours on Saturday morning listening to an instructor read from a book or I could sleep in, have a good breakfast, and head out early to gather wine for the wine drive and see my friends.

I made my decision that I was not going and went to bed feeling a little nervous about it. I felt like it was the right decision. It was just exactly the opposite of what I normally think would be the 'right' decision. I skipped a lot in high school but in my adult life, I'm actually sickly responsible. I don't call in sick to work even when I am sick. I had to miss two days of work once when it snowed and I couldn't get to the college and I felt total guilt about it.

I woke up Saturday morning at 10am and I felt great. I felt well rested and relieved. I felt rebellious and exciting.


The guilt for dropping out early is somewhere lurking in the distance behind me and I am doing my best to keep it at bay. It's far enough away that I am hoping it will give up and slink away. Jack Canfield has taught me that I need to have these 'failure' experiences and that they are equally as important to my success as successes are.

I spent my Saturday collecting wine and spending time with my friends who were also Kathleen's family. It was an emotionally charged day and I was grateful to be there. I love my friends dearly and was glad that I could offer some kind of support even if it was just being there.