Thank You

I actually wrote this about a week or so ago but held off posting it here until today.

I was in the shower this morning thinking about my last relationship and all the things about it. It has been years since we broke up and he is now married and, I hope, happy. He is a good guy and deserves to be happy...we all do. It wasn't a mutual breakup. I left him. I left him because I couldn't stay. I wasn't happy and I'd let it get too far to be able to fix it. I stayed unhappy silently for far too long. Nearly 6 months I'd say. 6 months of crying and dreading and feeling empty and lacking. 6 months without telling him that I was feeling this way. I kept thinking -Why can't he see it and figure it out and fix it?

It finally became so unbearable for me that I left. I broke up with him. I was sad for about 3 days and then I was done. I realized that I had mourned the loss of the relationship while I was still in it. He, on the other hand, was just beginning the mourning period.

So here I was, in the shower this morning, having an imaginary conversation with him. He was mad at me. He hadn't forgiven me for breaking up with him. And I smugly told him he should be thanking me. "For what?" was his angry reply. "Thanking you for what?""For letting you go. For letting you be free to find your wife. For whatever it is that you got from me. Learned from me. For all of that."

My next thought came straight out of left field (and from some other voice). "What do you have to thank him for?" I nearly shrugged it off but realized that maybe this is an important question. What did I have to thank him for?

Here is what I came up with.

I want to thank him for giving me the chance to learn what my weaknesses are. I want to thank him for giving me the opportunity to prove to myself how strong I really am. I want to thank him for being the best gift giver I have ever met. I want to thank him for giving me some pretty wonderful memories of our time together. And I want to thank him for caring about me and loving me as strongly as he did.

So thank you. Thank you very much for all of those things and more.