Conundrum

I am having some kind of moral or existential crisis! It's almost like I have no idea how to behave. With everything that has happened around the world, I feel as though I should be focusing on the planet, and prayer, and what I can do to help or prepare in case something like this happens in Vancouver. And yet, life goes on and if I give into the fear of something happening here, I am likely to become paralyzed in that fear.

I finished work early today and headed out to Richmond Center. I have been in desperate need of a good spring coat for years now. I have winter coats and hoodies but nothing really classy or nice for a spring coat. I have been watching a lot of What Not to Wear lately and it makes me want to update my look and wardrobe with a few key pieces. I found a fantastic coat for a great price. I am thrilled and at the same time I feel somewhat shallow that that is important to me.

I know it's pointless to feel bad about it, since feeling bad never made anyone feel good. (except people who enjoy feeling bad - but if it makes them feel good then are they really feeling bad??) I want to focus on positive vibrations and on calling positive things into my life and the world.

So here is to positivity and focusing on good things for the world, for Japan, for all of humanity. And to looking good while we do it!

The downside to tweeting!

Twitter has ruined my capacity for writing paragraphs. I used to be able to write perfectly good blog posts and now I find myself thinking in 'tweets' of 140 characters or less. I think that I need to committ to writing blog posts on a regular basis just so I can practice writing longer ...things. Yikes! I didn't even have a better word than 'things' to describe what I meant. Not good for someone who likes to think of herself as a writer.

Second guessing!

I am second guessing my Oscar predictions. I am starting to think that The King's Speech might take the best picture win and that Hailee Steinfeld might take best Supporting Actress over Melissa Leo. And I've wavered on best original and adapted screenplay over to The King's Speech and The Social Network.

Sheesh!

Ok. I've officially changed my ballot for the two screenplays but have left them as is for best picture and supporting actress.

Committing my Oscar predictions to the interweb!

Here is my official list of predictions for the 83rd Academy Awards.
The hardest one for me to finally choose was best original screenplay. I was completely torn between Inception and The Kids are All Right. And as for Best picture, it was a tough call between The Social Network and The King's Speech,but I finally had to go with my gut. I'll update tomorrow with the actual winners and see how my predictions fared.

*update - I have made two changes to my predictions. Best original screenplay from Inception to The King's Speech and Best Adapted Screenplay from 127 Hours to The Social Network

*update #2 - I am adding the winners to the list now

Best Picture
The Social Network
winner - The King's Speech

Best Actor
Colin Firth

Best Actress
Natalie Portman

Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale

Best Supporting Actress
Melissa Leo

Best Director
David Fincher
winner - Tom Hooper

Best Original Screenplay
The King's Speech

Best Adapted Screenplay
The Social Network

Best Animated Movie
Toy Story 3

Best Foreign Film
Biutiful
winner - Civilization

Best Cinematography
Black Swan
winner - Inception (obviously!)

Best Editing
127 Hours
winner - The Social Network

Best Art Direction
The King's Speech
winner - Alice in Wonderland

Best Costume Design
The King's Speech
winner - Alice in WOnderland

Best Makeup
The Way Back
winner - The Wolfman (obviously!)

Best Original Score
The Social Network

Best Original Song
Toy Story 3 "We Belong Together"

Best Sound Mixing
Inception

Best Sound Editing
Toy Story 3
winner - Inception

Best Visual Effects
Inception

Best Documentary Feature
Exit Through The Gift Shop
winner - Inside Job

Best Documentary Short
Strangers No More

Best Animated Short
Day & Night
winner - The Lost Thing

Best Live Action Short
God of Love

a fresh start

Tomorrow is my 37th birthday. I feel like I should probably feel far more mature than I do. But there I go arguing with what is again. I find myself doing this a lot lately - arguing with what is.

There's no point to it. It all is what it is and this post has very quickly gone from a post about my birthday to a post about something else entirely. This concept of accepting what is, is ancient. It isn't a new idea. I think it's probably been around since the beginning of time. It's just new to me and I am really really working on it.

There is this really fantastic section in the course (the entire course is fantastic but different parts jump out at me at different times) about accepting ourselves exactly as we are. It is in the section titled The Little Willingness and it says "The miracle of the holy instant lies in your willingness to let it be what it is. And in your willingness for this lies also your acceptance of yourself as you were meant to be".

It goes on to say that God lives within each of us and that He "did not create His dwelling place unworthy of Him".

My point in all of this is that I seem to be stretching and growing in ways that I am ready for but that are also brand new to me and a little (a lot) scary. Embarking on a relationship and opening my heart up, willing to be vulnerable and open - I'm treading on new ground and it's scary. But I am ready. I am as prepared as I can possibly be at this point. And for the past three months I just went for it.

The relationship didn't work out. I keep wanting to hold onto the details of it and why it didn't work but I can't, the details don't matter. If I can accept it for what it is and accept both he and I for who we are then I can let go and move forward. We both are exactly who we are meant to be and we will both be better matched with someone else out there.

I am sad about it though. It's still an ending and one I wasn't particularly ready for. The downhill began too soon and I held on for as long as I could because there had seemed to be potential for us. My breaking point happened in an instant and there wasn't any coming back from that. It was a moment of finally accepting that he is who he is and that it just wasn't going to work with who I am.

I am writing this post while I am feeling good. I could've written it yesterday and it would have been much less insightful and much more angry. Or I could've written it Saturday and it would have been sad. I am cycling through the typical emotions and I'm told this is normal and healthy, I still wonder how people do this as often as they do. I guess I'll find out because this has opened me up to really wanting a relationship and the only way to find one is to date.

So date I will.

The year in movies - 2010

I saw 45 movies in the theatre in 2010. This doesn't include the 26 that I rented and the 17 that I watched in my film courses. That's a lot of movies and fair number of good ones to boot!

I have a top ten and my breakdown here is going to be somewhat general. I have far too much trouble committing to an ordered list but I'll get as specific as I can with the top ten without making myself crazy.

Top ten
#1 The Social Network
#2 The Fighter
#3 The Kids Are All Right
#4 127 Hours
#5 Inception
#6 The King's Speech
#7 The Town
#8 A Single Man (technically this is a 2009 movie but I saw it in Jan)
#9 Shutter Island
#10 Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Really Really good movies that didn't break into the top ten
in chronological order of when I saw them
The Young Victoria
Avatar (loved it in the theatre but over time the love waned and I have no interest in ever seeing it again - also it's technically a 2009 movie too)
A Serious Man
The Ghost Writer
Kick Ass
Date Night
Get Him to the Greek
The Other Guys
Easy A
Nowhere Boy
It's Kind of a Funny Story
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Black Swan

Good movies (also in chronological order of when I saw them)
Leap Year
Precious
2012
Law Abiding Citizen
Alice in Wonderful
Letters to Juliet
Twilight Eclipse
Eat Pray Love
The Switch
Flipped
Fair Game
Love and Other Drugs
How Do You Know

Alright movies (same order)
Step Up 3D
Burlesque
Going the Distance
Catfish

Almost terrible (no order)
Life as we Know it
Just Wright
Clash of the Titans

Fairly terrible (no order)
Sex & The City 2
Valentine's Day
Solitary Man

*Update - It has been pointed out to me that my memory might not be serving me entirely well when it comes to a couple of these movies. I received the following email today "Life as we know it - you thought it was fairly terrible? i thought we loved it! and solitary man was good? i thought we hated it!"

*Update #2 - Between A Single Man, A Serious Man and Solitary Man, I forgot which was which and rated Solitary Man far too high on the list. It actually needs to be in the fairly terrible category (which I am moving it to right now). It is definitely a contender for worst movie of the year.

1.1.11 and it's 1:11

Happy New Year! I have written that sentence in so many ways over the past 13 hours. I have handwritten it, texted it, facebooked it, tweeted it, blogged it...not to mention the countless times I have said it. And I'm not done yet. Over the rest of today and probably for the next week, I will write and say it many times more!

I told LDub earlier this week that I took the kindle to a coffee shop but ended up tweeting, blipping and blogging instead. We laughed and said that if 1992 me had heard me say that, she would have no idea what I was talking about.